Why I created The Wildflower Mind

Some of you are probably wondering why I started my blog. I’ve given brief explanations on the Home and About pages of my website, but today I thought I’d go more in depth on what my thought process was that led me to taking a leap of faith on blogging. What made me decide to start The Wildflower Mind? And why this name? I’ll be happy to tell you!

Those of you who know me in real life know that I’m not the best speaker. In fact, I’m awful at speaking without a script or reading aloud something in front of me! I stumble over my words, use “uh” and “um” too much, stop and restart my sentence multiple times, and even stutter from time to time. And when I get frustrated or emotional while speaking, it’s even harder because my mind just completely shuts down, which gets me even more frustrated or upset because now I can’t even think straight, much less form a coherent sentence. So I’ve struggled with expressing myself verbally. Whether it’s sharing my opinion and defending it, talking about my feelings, or explaining my thoughts, I’ve always had a difficult time.

When I had something I wanted to say but was having trouble putting it into words, I turned to writing. When I write, whatever mental block prevents me from articulating myself well in speaking just disappears. I find a flow, and the words just come gushing out of me onto the page. Almost like I’ve been possessed by some spirit or higher entity that’s giving me just the right words to say. I don’t really know how else to describe it. But my writing ability has been able to solve a lot of problems in my life that I couldn’t solve with my tongue. It showed my teachers that I did, in fact, understand the material (more deeply than they thought I did, actually) and was a lot more intelligent than I appeared. And it let me share my thoughts and feelings with my parents when I was struggling to find the right words to say what was on my mind. I was even able to solve my own problems at times simply by journaling in a document on Google Docs and just writing out whatever came out of my head. For me, writing is freedom. It liberates me from whatever causes me to struggle with speech, gets me out of my head, and releases the ideas and thoughts I have lingering inside.

My LSN (low support needs) autism and ADHD affect my life in more ways than just speaking. I’ve spent my whole life feeling trapped between two different worlds. On one hand, I’m so independent and well-adjusted that I can present as neurotypical around strangers in public. I also don’t have the same struggles other neurodivergents may have, such as understanding sarcasm and idioms, or adaptability. On the other hand, there are certain aspects of my autism/ADHD that I do struggle with or can’t hide. My speaking struggles, talking too loud, stimming and fidgeting, inability to maintain eye contact, sensory issues, and other quirks I have make it obvious to anyone paying attention that I’m neurodivergent. So I wound up feeling trapped in-between the neurodivergent world and the neurotypical world because I was too “high-functioning” to really fit in with other neurodivergents, and the supports that were offered by neurodivergent groups often didn’t work for me. But I was also too “weird” to belong with my neurotypical peers. So I struggled (and still do!) to make friends and find people I could relate to. And it didn’t help that I was the only autistic one in my entire family.

The experiences I’ve had growing up an LSN neurodivergent combined with my writing talent gave my family and I an idea. I’ve always been passionate about making the world a better place, and dreamed of leaving behind a better world than the one I entered. My background has given me a unique perspective and stories to tell, and my writing skills the perfect medium to tell it. And thanks to modern technology, it’s easy to share my writing with the world. Plus I was reaching my final straw with a terrible job that was damaging my mental health and self-esteem.

So I quit my job and decided to try launching a blog! I’m planning to write about my life, my past, my thoughts and experiences, and other topics related to being a neurodivergent in this modern world. My primary goal is to reach other neurodivergents out there and show them that they’re not alone as they feel. That there’s someone out there who really gets them, because I’ve been through and continue to go through the same things they do. My hope is that this blog will be foundation to build a community of other neurodivergents to find and connect with each other, and have a space where they’re free to be themselves with no fear of judgment or exclusion. Where they can make lasting friendships and find support that actually works for them. The kinds of things I wish I’d had growing up and wish I had now. And then I also want to use this blog to help the loved ones of neurodivergents. By explaining how my mind works, how I see things, and the things I struggle with and succeed at, I’m hoping to help neurotypical family members/caregivers understand what being neurodivergent is like, and the best ways to help and support their loved one without accidentally causing harm.

Why The Wildflower Mind? When I was brainstorming ideas for my blog, I wanted something somewhat poetic and evocative of nature. As a writer and poet, I wanted something beautiful and memorable to catch the attention of people scrolling by. And growing up surrounded by forests, I’ve always loved nature, so I wanted to incorporate that in my blog name. When I was trying to come up with ideas, I thought about wildflowers. They’re just as beautiful as garden flowers, are found all over the world, and are necessary for the survival of life on our planet. They’re also hardier than garden flowers, able to adapt and survive in almost any environment. Yet they’re overlooked by so many, or regarded as weeds. Neurodivergence is similar, in a way. We’re just as special, populous, and necessary as neurotypicals, and in some ways even more special! Our ability to learn to adapt and survive in a world not built for us, for example. Yet throughout history and even today, neurodivergents are overlooked or even looked down on. Being neurodivergent in a neurotypical world is like being a wildflower planted among garden flowers. You’re tended to like a garden flower, but don’t thrive because you have different needs. So you’re left to figure out how to grow and bloom in a space you’re not built for and push through the “help” that harms and deliberate attacks from pests and weed killers. You want to reach out to other wildflowers when you’re struggling, but there’s no one else around, and the garden flowers can’t help you because you’re not like them. Well I say it’s high time the gardener starts seeing the wildflower as a different kind of flower, but a flower all the same. And that’s why I built The Wildflower Mind.